Ladies...ladies..ladies batter up. First, let me start by saying this will not be a bias post. I will speak the truth...the whole truth...and nothing but the truth. Ladies, yesterday I spoke about what the men are not doing to connect with you in order for some action to take place. I understand that you are busy, tired from work, and school.....ect...ect... I was once told that excuses are tools of incompetence used to build monuments of nothingness... Yeah, life happens and it happens fast, but that is not a reason for you to shut down and close the promise.
Does every little thing that happens have to be something that cause you not to want to have sex? Some stuff you have to charge to the game, most of all the things are out of your control anyway. Ladies, you all use the lack of sex as punishment. You tell yourself, I can hold out. Sex only happens when ALL these conditions that you have subconsciously put in place are met. You are the only one that knows these conditions. I would love to address them, but they're unique to the individual. That is crazy, because your husband have no idea about the conditions or how to go about meeting them. Let me tell you all the dangers of using sex as punishment. It pushes the man way, when he tries touch you or be intimate there is a wall that he subconsciously puts ups. Rejection over and over again, makes him less attracted to you. He will stop trying, and over time you all will feel there is no connection. The conversation stops, his attitude towards you changes and now he feels that you do not care for his needs. Since we are creatures that need a release, and when your husband reach his breaking point...he will get release one way or another. Please understand, I am in no way saying that your husband is having affair. I am saying he will get a release. Ladies, can you please acknowledge how long it's been. You all know when it's been over a month or 6. Tell your husband, you apologize for it being so long.
I have spoken to a lot of couples and what I hear, is that SEX is not on the list of priorities for the woman. On the a scale of 1-10, sex falls at about 42. It's the I can take it or leave it mentality, and most of the time it is leave it. Then you all expect your husband's to deal with it. Everything else takes precedence over meeting the need of your husband. Sex does not have to be #1, but can it at least be on the list. Ladies, this is not healthy and the damage and ramification of not making it important goes beyond the physical act. When it is on the list, it shows that you are still attracted to your husband. When is it not on the list, just as I mentioned yesterday...it has to do with selfishness. Again, ladies you make your husband common. Ladies, you all stop wearing the sexy underwear......come to bed looking froppy....you make it so hard to obtain, that we as husbands take it how we can get it. Most of the time, its without emotions. There is no spontaneity, it's the same ole...same ole...we can tell by your facial expression that you would whether be picking lint out of your navel. You wonder why your husband does not want to cuddle, because in his mind he is thinking this is not going anywhere....and I am not going to set myself up for rejection AGAIN. Ladies, in order for you to move forward, you all have to tear down those subconscious things you have put in place. Show some excitement, that you husband is still attracted to you.
There will always be something that happens in this thing called life, but you have to make a conscious decision that you will not let that effect the way handle the needs of your husband.
I can admit sex is not a priority of mine, however, I'm getting better at remembering how important it is for my husband. Our biggest issue is 'who's going to give in first'? My marriage survived an affair and I certainly don't want to experience that again but I find myself feeling like the one always looking for ways to meet his needs, even when my needs seem to continue to go unmet! Any advice for people in situations like mine?
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty. It's not about who gives in first. That is a pride issue. There are no winner's in that game. It becomes tic for tack. As you can see, that does not work. It's about who is the bigger person. Who is able to say you know what, it's not worth it. Sorry about the affair, assuming he was the one that stepped out. There is never a reason for anyone to step outside the marriage to get a need met. When that happens it creates so many other issues,like trust, abandonment and self conscious issues. The first thing that you should do, is forgive yourself. If you believe that it was something that you didn't to cause it to happen. Just because your marriage survived an affair, doesn't mean that you are healed or have closure. You and your husband need to have a heart to heart. So you can express your feelings on the situation. In doing that you will be able to bring closure to it, and those emotions that came with that. I understand that now you are doing everything you possibly can to try to ensure that it does not happen again. You have every right to feel what you feel, the emotion are real..and you don't have to convince yourself that you shouldn't feel that way. Speak to your husband and tell him your needs, listen to his needs, and both of you will have to make a conscious effort to meet them. Now, this process is not an over night fix...it will take time to be restored. If both you are willing to lay side your pride and be open to being intentional. You could have a powerful testimony. It only works if both parties are game. When you all have your talk, I would suggest a mediator some natural and able to listen with an unbias ear. This will ensure what is being said...is what is being heard.
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