Let's Talk About Sex Pt.III Women

Ladies...ladies..ladies batter up. First, let me start by saying this will not be a bias post. I will speak the truth...the whole truth...and nothing but the truth.  Ladies, yesterday I spoke about what the men are not doing to connect with you in order for some action to take place. I understand that you are busy, tired from work, and school.....ect...ect... I was once told that excuses are tools of incompetence used to build monuments of nothingness... Yeah, life happens and it happens fast, but that is not a reason for you to shut down and close the promise.

Does every little thing that happens have to be something that cause you not to want to have sex? Some stuff you have to charge to the game, most of all the things are out of your control anyway. Ladies, you all  use the lack of sex as punishment. You tell yourself, I can hold out. Sex only happens when ALL these conditions that you have subconsciously put in place are met. You are the only one that knows these conditions. I would love to address them, but they're unique to the individual. That is crazy, because your husband have no idea about the conditions or how to go about meeting them. Let me tell you all the dangers of using sex as punishment. It pushes the man way, when he tries touch you or be intimate there is a wall that he subconsciously puts ups. Rejection over and over again, makes him less attracted to you.  He will stop trying, and over time you all will  feel there is no connection. The conversation stops, his attitude towards you changes and now he feels that you do not care for his needs. Since we are creatures that need a release, and when your husband reach his breaking point...he will get release one way or another. Please understand, I am in no way saying that your husband is having affair. I am saying he will get a release. Ladies, can you please acknowledge how long it's been. You all know when it's been over a month or 6. Tell your husband, you apologize for it being so long.

I have spoken to a lot of couples and what I hear, is that SEX is not on the list of priorities for the woman. On the a scale of 1-10, sex falls at about 42. It's the I can take it or leave it mentality, and most of the time it is leave it. Then you all expect your husband's to deal with it. Everything else takes precedence over meeting the need of your husband. Sex does not have to be #1, but can it at least be on the list. Ladies, this is not healthy  and the damage and ramification of not making it important goes beyond the physical act. When it is on the list, it shows that you are still attracted to your husband. When is it not on the list, just as I mentioned yesterday...it has to do with selfishness. Again, ladies you make your husband common. Ladies, you all stop wearing the sexy underwear......come to bed looking froppy....you make it so hard to obtain, that we as husbands take it how we can get it. Most of the time, its without emotions. There is no spontaneity, it's the same ole...same ole...we can tell by your facial expression that you would whether be picking lint out of your navel. You wonder why your husband does not want to cuddle, because in his mind he is thinking this is not going anywhere....and I am not going to set myself up for rejection AGAIN. Ladies, in order for you to move forward, you all have to tear down those subconscious things you have put in place. Show some excitement, that you husband is still attracted to you.

There will always be something that happens in this thing called life, but you have to make a conscious decision that you will not let that effect the way handle the needs of your husband.

Let's Talk About Sex Pt.II Men

Ok, men lets get started in peeling these layers back and start examining why there is no intimacy in your marriage.  My wife just don't want to have sex me, she always have an excuse...I'm tired...the kids...the sun didn't come out today....blah...blah..blah...excuse after...excuse. Believe me I understand.  There is a deeper issue that needs to be addressed, and that issue is the WHY. Yeah we can look her and place the blame on her, but there is usually an underlining factor that causes your wife to shut down. See gentlemen, for us  it's the physical release, for them it's about making a connection. We can be ready at the drop of dime, it does take much. The wind could blow and we're ready to make something happen. Most women are not wired like that. If the first time you are touching your wife, is when it is time to put in work...she is going to be cold and un-receptive. If you are lying in the bed and you just start groping your wife and you have not spoke to her all day, the response is going to be cold. Do you all get what I am saying. Sex for a women is more then the actual act.  See, woman are like a roast. It taste better when it's cooked  in a slower cooker.

Gentlemen, I know what you are thinking"I shouldn't have to do all that". Well, you did all that in the beginning. We make our wives common, and we stop the romance. That is why I said "You first have to look in the mirror". In my own experience, I stopped doing the romantic stuff. The calls, the texts, the cards, the flowers... just because. So, gentlemen we have to figure out what makes  our wives tick? What pushes her buttons? Do you even know what your wife likes? An I am not talking about food or tv shows? My  wife asked "do you know what turns me on"?  Without hesitation, I was able to tell her. I didn't always know, it took some time. Now the challenge is the APPLICATION. Knowing and not doing means that there is some selfishness in me. "She not loving me like I think she should, so I'm not going to do what she wants". So, everyday I try to make a conscious decision to do what makes her feel connected to me. Sometimes I hit the mark, sometimes I don't...but everyday I try to do better.

See, gentleman woman love a take charge kinda guy, but not controlling.   When was the last time you planned a date? Or chose a restaurant? When was the last time your wife came home to bubble bath? When was the last time yall cuddled without the expectation of sex? Gentlemen, if your wife is like my wife she is making decisions all day at work, so for her to come home and make decisions turns her off.  Not to discount how hard we work.

Gentlemen we need to take the time out to re-learn our wives and that is vise versa...and (I will deal with them tomorrow). Gentlemen, this process is not a quick fix. There has to be consistency, you have to let go of your ego and pride. You tap into her needs, she will meet yours.

Let's Talk About SEX!!!!

Sex in the morning....sex in the evening... sex during the day. Sounds good, but is not the reality for most married couples.  For the next couple of days, I will be addressing the issue of SEXLESS marriages. The why's and how's...the dangers and the remedies. I am about to drop some statistics on yall...  married couples only have sex about 58 times a year. That number is crazy, when there is only 52 weeks in a year. That is about once a week, with one week having a bonus. In the past 6 months to a year, most couples have not had sex AT all.... Or no more then 2 times. That is very dangerous place to be in. Most marriages end over sex and money...Not enough of either of them. I know that my single folk reading this is like....I am not getting married then...I having more sex now (but it comes with a price). I will be addressing yall in a later post. If you are married and you are in this situation look in the mirror before looking at your spouse. Tomorrows post I will start breaking this thing down. My goal in addressing this issue is to strengthen marriages, so those that are single can have positive examples.

Let it go!!!

Two Buddhist monks return to their monastery after the rains. They reach a swollen river and in front of them is an extremely beautiful lady in a delicate silk kimono, distressed because she is unable to cross the river by herself. So, the older monk scoops her up, carries her safely to the other side and the two monks continue on their way in silence. Five hours later, as the two monks reach their destination, the younger monk, literally fuming, bursts out, "How could you do it? You touched a woman; you know we're not allowed to do that!” The older monk replies, "I put her down 5 hours ago, but you are still carrying her with you." What are you still holding on to, that you need to let go of. Who haven't you forgave yet?  Get free, there is no time like the present to let go and move forward.

Are you prepared?

I once heard that, "When preparation meets opportunity, you get favor". What do I mean by that statement? Let me explain, many people are expecting something different to happen in their lives, on their jobs, with their businesses, but have not taken the proper steps of preparation to take advantage when the opportunity presents itself.  How many of you have missed out on the promotion...because you haven't taken that 1 class needed....how many of you missed out on getting an investment for your business...cause you didn't have business plan....or missed business..cause you "keep forgetting to order business cards". Expectation without Preparation= Missed Opportunity! 

The Genesis

First, let me thank you for checking out my blog. The purpose of me creating this blog, is to strengthen and empower the community.  The topics will range from, over coming addiction to sexless marriages, and everything in between. We will not candy coat anything on this blog. The goal is to let people know that they're others going through, and have over came some of the same issues.  It is my hearts desire to see people whole, healthy and empowered.